I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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