I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
