people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you inspire me to be a worse person
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
As shirtless as possible
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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