He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
