It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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