Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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