put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
