come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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