I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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