Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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