The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
