guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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