proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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