Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize