In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Pants are for mortals
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
