I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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