Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
