Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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