I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
