Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
