He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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