She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
