peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
