As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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