Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
