break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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