I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Who died my cat blue again?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
