Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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