chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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