woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
