Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He better not be in your backpack
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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