Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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