I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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