even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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