Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
