Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
