I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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