whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
