I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
