if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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