well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
