His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Randomize
