I want to have your abortion
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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