I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
