I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
