life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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