That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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