i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
