Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
