he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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