i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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