I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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