if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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