A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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