Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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