he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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