They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
