The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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