If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
