Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
