worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
