where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
