Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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