Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
