i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize