I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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