you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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