i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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