My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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