I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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