so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's official drugs can't kill me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
