Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
