I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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