oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
