I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I need water and some morals
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
