I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
